I remember when...

I remember when I was a lot younger (maybe 9 or 10) a man that seemed to have it all together, at my old church, confessed something in front of everyone. What he confessed absolutely shocked me, and I felt embarrassed for him. He confessed that he had been just following routine, and hadn't really known Jesus.

I just remembered this last night, while listening to a few different Gentleman at the church I go to now, talk about their struggle to understand love, to have trust, and to leave behind their past. It was so beautiful to see their transparency, their confessions, their vulnerability, and their need to be loved.

When I thought about it, the difference in these two stories had to be because of one of two things. It was either my maturity or it was the group of believers. It's also possible it was a combination of the two.

However, I think of the pastor's youngest son, who is only 9 years old. Last night, he didn't feel shocked or embarrassed for these men that shared their lives. Why was it that I felt this way when I was young.

I think the answer is that when I was young, the body of believers I was around was very traditional. So traditional in fact that pain and sorrow was only shared if it was a medical problem. When this man shared that he had been living a lie, that he was a Christian poser, and that he had recognized the real Jesus, the people around me were shocked and embarrassed because to them, and me at the time, he must have been the only person in the whole church that wasn't living a good solid, read your bible every night, go to church on Sunday, shake 30 people's hands and tell them how great you're doing, Christian life.

I'm really glad I'm where I am now. I'm glad that the body of believers I'm in community with doesn't assume everyone's living the "ideal" Christian life, because nobody is. We all have our addictions of some sort, and it's all sin. We are sinners, we don't have to pretend we're not. We are supposed to join along side of one another and comfort one another and learn from one another. As a great man recently said, "It's not perfect, but it's good."

today i've decided

that I'm way too lazy! Man, there is so much more I could do in a day than I actually do. Well, I am choosing not to be lazy from here on out. I will always be doing something productive (which includes rest because that's productive for my body to help me be productive).

i figured I'd blog today...

Right now I'm sitting at work, in a patient's room. I floated to a different unit, because my regular one is nearly empty. I'm a sitter today, for a man who is a deaf, mute. He's 71 years old and was hit by a train while walking along the tracks. It's amazing he lived.
I figured I'd blog today about this experience. This is my second time having a deaf patient, but my first time spending the entire 12 hour shift with a deaf patient. Quite frankly, it's amazing. This man cannot hear or speak, and I cannot sign. He also cannot read very well. For about an hour in the morning a sign language interpreter came by and taught me about 10 signs. An hour after she left I could only remember four: Pain, Bathroom, drink and thank you.
So back to the 'amazing' aspect of this.
The amazing part isn't that we can still communicate despite not being able to hear and not being able to sign.
The amazing part isn't that as soon as he begins to get aggitated I know he's going to pee and I can get him the urinal before a drop spills on his sheets.
The amazing part isn't that I can figure out by watching ESPN with him that he likes football better than any other sport.

The amazing part is the silence

Something about this experience makes me wonder if God made a mistake by giving us mouths, he had to of known what we'd do with them. Not to say that some people don't do a lot of good with theirs'. But there is something beautiful about the silence. Not silence when we're alone, thats to be expected: silence with others. Even though it can be frustrating, and it has been at times today, it is satisfying when you finally break through and figure out what the other is trying to say.